Beautiful Day

The light beams down making my skin feel warm

I am enveloped in the love of my Savior.

My life feels whole and good and true

He saved me even though I sin.

He loves me even though I waiver from the path

There is nothing greater then that light beaming down

For now I am content to sit and look at the beauty around

because nothing is more beautiful then the world God made

you don't know.

you don't know who I am.

you don't know how I feel.

you don't know what it's like.

you don't even care to stop and think.

you don't understand my heart.

you don't understand my cares

you don't understand me.

all you do is try to tear me down.

The story

The story unfolds but not in the way it ought to.

nothing is right and for a second I wonder if I am dreaming

but I feel too alive to be dreaming

I know how the story should go and how it should end

but it isn't doing what I want it to

it's going completely off on its own.

do I follow this unfamiliar story and hope the end is good

or do I stick with the story I know and am comfortable with?

This I cannot answer now because the unknown scares me

I wish I could cheat and skip to the end and find out what happens

for that would make my story choice much easier

but I am not allowed to do that.

maybe the story is unfolding exactly the way it is supposed to

that one word....

The word seems to squeeze the oxygen out of the room

mentioning it brings an array of hate and loathing but

also a sense of safety and warmth. how can this be?

two conflicting emotions should never be brought on by one thing.

it confuses me and although I need to figure it out I dont want to

because figuring it out means reality and that is not something I

am ready for. So for now I will let the oxygen slowly escape until

I can find the person to make that word the one thing I want it

to be: happiness.

Random Thoughts

My heart is pounding my head just hurts

Im tired and grumpy and bored

I want to leave and run away but

shirking from responsibilities would be insane

Classes drag on they never end

I want to go out and play in the park even get a tan

What am I doing here? feeling like wasting my time.

Do I want to come back do I want to drop out

I need an education to get a career but is school really me?

The thought of marriage makes me want to hid under a rock

Once I was told you get hurt more in marriage than any other time.

If this is the case who wants to put themselves through that pain?

My friends are the best but I feel like they don't get me

I try to have them understand but it just wont happen.

I hate doing homework but it is ALWAYS there.

I would rather sleep all day then get up and do stuff

Im ready to be done with this place move back home

I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs

but it probably wouldn't calm my sorrows.

Stop feeling sorry for myself... thats what I say every day

But its harder to do then people would think...

So for now I will keep my pain to myself

it will get better, it just has to or else where would I be?

No Remembrance.

everything seems harder when you're broken.

walking seems harder because you're afraid

every new step is going to crack you some more.

every new breath is going to hurt you more

and every new thought is going to push you

farther into the deep unknown you dont want to see.

the days seems longer and the nights seem shorter.

looking around you you see the bright yellow sun

beckoning you to join in its brilliance but you cant

because every bit of brightness you had left inside of

you was taken away and you cant remember how to get it back.

everything seems harder when you're broken and can't remember

how to fix yourself.

Leaving this Town

So I haven't written the music to it but here are the lyrics. I'm not very good at the music writing part.. so maybe I can figure something out later.... but here are the lyrics for now.

I'm feeling like running away from life

to many things going wrong or not my way

It's a perfect day to get out and leave

never coming back don't want to see your face

you left me broken on the ground

no end in sight, I layed there night after night

the tears just came, they wouldn't stop

you left and now I'm leaving too.

Because woah I'm leaving this place for a better life

No one can stop me so don't even try

I want to be happy I want to feel loved

I'll find that better life the one that I want.

Leaving this town doesn't seem quite so bad

I'll get in my car and drive into the sun

the unknown is out there, adventure too

I want to find the life that I deserve

No men, no fear, just love and friends

I've been broken, I've been shattered

but nothing is ever going to get in my way again

leaving, leaving, leaving this town.

Because woah I'm leaving this place for a better life

No one can stop me so don't even try

I want to be happy I want to feel loved

I'll find that better life the one that I want

Don't think I'm coming back

nothing can make me stay

I want to feel the sunshine on my face

I want to feel the breeze in my hair

I'm leaving for the life I need to have

Because woah I'm leaving this place for a better life

No one can stop me so don't even try

I want to be happy I want to feel loved

I'll find that better life the one that I want.

Because woah I'm leaving this place for a better life

No one can stop me so don't even try

I want to be happy I want to feel loved

I'll find that better life the one that I want.

So don't miss me cause I wont be missing you

Standing Still

Life goes on but time stands still

breathing stops, thought stops, nothing is right

where am I and what am I doing here?

life goes on but time stands still

I would rather die 100 hundred deaths

then feel the way I feel today

life goes on but time stands still

the sun is out warming my face

I don't want time to stand still

forcing myself to move time goes on

life goes on and time moves

the pain will leave, just needs some time

the flower

The flower that is watered grows and

gives back to those that come to see its beauty

the flower that is left alone wants to grow

it needs to grow but no one wants to give

it the chance of life no one wants to love it

and no one wants to be there for it. Its

potential is like unto the first maybe even

greater but no one cares. If only people

knew all it needed was a little love, but no

one cares. Its left alone to be alone forever more

The Path

Running towards the path ahead Im sure thats where I need to go

For once nothing stands in my way. Is this a trick? a trap?

I slow and walk cautiously, wondering, hoping, wishing that I wont wake up

For if I did life would go back to the way it was and who would ever want that?

So for now I will enjoy the beauty and passion the path offers me

pieces

The pieces lay on the floor and I don't touch them for

fear that they will turn to dust in my hand.

Left there to stare at the pieces I wonder how it ever got there

I didn't mean to let it break, no one would ever want that

yet there it is as if someone unwillingly ripped it from me

is there anyone who can pick it up for me? anyone who can

calm my anguish? NO and there never will be.

my heart lay broken on the floor and there is nothing

I can do about it no words can comfort no hand can heal.

ALONE with my broken heart forever more.

Beautiful Agony

The beautiful image is staring me in the face

my breath gets caught, not able to escape.

agony rushes over me as I realize the image left me

I plead for it to come back, to soothe me.

It returns but this time it is just beyond reach.

The beauty still overwhelms me and no words can escape.

my beautiful agony- the life I've made.

anticipation

anticipation is a waisted cause.

to sit around and wait is like

watching a movie in slow

motion. anticipation is a lost

cause. the act of waiting for

something to come that doesn't

want to be. anticipation is hurt.

why do I anticipate? because

all good things come from

waiting and hoping. anticipation

is waiting for something wonderful

to happen.

Suffocation

I cannot feel, I cannot breathe.

suffocation. the utter disappointment

of a slow unavoidable death. the air

I have left escapes in staggered

agonized breathes. my mind screams

to live but my body tells me otherwise.

suffocation. the act of a heart laying

helpless in the street. straining to

live but unable to love. suffocation.

the flood

a light streams from the rafters

signaling the start of a new day.

the newness cannot register for

I am covered in the darkness of

the earlier day. thoughts flood

my body and seem to overthrow

my mind. telling me I've lost to

the day before me. I must break

through this haze, to see the love.

choices?

Choices are always harder to make

when the answer isn't clear. To sign

away the choice is to give into the

haunting dreams of darkness. But

what if the choice isn't easy? What

if the choice is hard? Do you just

sign it away and let it go where

it may? This, I would like to know.

Tender Hearts

This world is full of tender hearts

those who understand the life

thats laid before each one of us

they bring us hope they lift us up

they help us bear that heavy load

they teach us how to love and

most of all they're there to catch

you when you fall.

I just need to take the time

to thank all of those who are my

tender hearts. You have done so much for me

and without you I would be lost!

My Place

Lost in a sea of distant light all

I can do is lay still and wait for the

night to come and take me away.

To take me away to the place,

the place where doves soar and

waterfalls trickle. my happy

place made entirely from my dreams

Drift Wood

to be truly happy you have to know yourself.

without that knowledge you are a piece

of drift wood, looking for someplace to

call your own but never quite finding it.

Find yourself and you find happiness.

so simple yet so hard to do. dont be

the drift wood, be a pillar.

so I really have no freaking idea why I wrote this.

But I just needed to get what I felt out. and in a way

this is sorta what I am feeling. Its not my best.

but its late and its all I could come up with. enjoy

Truth

Life is too short to hurt this bad. I often wonder where the end is.

where is the day when I can say that was hard but I did it. To live

in a world of sorrow and partake is to loose the courage to say no;

to loose the justification of right. but to live in a world of sorrow

and deny is truth. Truth will always let you taste it as long as

you are put your trust in it and let it guide you on your way ©Jessica E Meyers

This Dream

Confusion settles all around me. I blink to eliminate the stress nothing seems real, nothing seems possible. My heart cannot bare to break again, it cannot bare to loose again. Chances like this come around once upon a dream. A dream that I am too scared to face, too scared to breath in. I keep switching back and forth between a reality that isn’t mine to change. maybe I should just breath. take a deep breath close my eyes and fall. ©Jessica E Meyers

Do You?

Do you ever have those days where things just go so well you cant sleep even tho your extremely tired?
Do you ever lay there in bed just thinking about life and how short it actually is?
Do you ever think about heaven and what it must be like to be there?
Do you ever picture yourself with some guy that you dont think likes you back?
Do you ever find out a guy likes you and then thats all you can think about?
Do you ever ask yourself why you even open your mouth because everything that come out is stupid?
Do you ever say to yourself, why me?
Do you ever have a freakin awesome dream that you just cant stop thinking about?
Do you ever get so hyper that all you can do is dance it out?
Do you ever wonder what might have been?
Do you ever wonder what will be?
Do you ever keep up your walls because you dont want to get hurt?
Do you ever name your children before your even dating?
Do you ever do something without thinking about it?
Do you ever go out on a limb hoping that it will turn out the way you plan?
Do you ever ask yourself how you got so lucky?
Do you ever just sit and think without doing anything for hours?
Do you ever cry yourself to sleep?
Do you ever hang out with amazing friends?
Do you ever think that just maybe life is so amazing, and that everyone in your life is there for a reason,and that where you are is where you're supposed to be?!

I do....... ©Jessica E Meyers2009

This one isn't a poem. just my deepest thoughts. I wrote this beginning of November

Spaces

I didn't realize i could miss anyone this much, or that it could hurt this much.
Just to feel your hands in mine, your lips in my hair, your voice in my head
to know that you are there and you aren't going to dissapear. My heart melts
when you whisper in my ear and tell me you love me, I get butterflies when you
touch me. Please tell me this isn't all a dream, that when I awake you will
be here with me. I need your touch, and your warmth. Baby please come back
I am not complete without you, because you have a part of me. So hold it
close, and dont forget. Don't forget those nights we had, don't forget those
simple words, they mean the world to me, and so do you. ©Jessica E Meyers2009

Sorry this is way out of order from the other ones.

this was right after I left from school.

Hold On

I feel myself slipping back into the hole of darkness.
nothing is sure, i feel the darkness closing around me.
i cannot breath and for a second i welcome my new found
sense of hurt. life is too short to live like this, too short to
have regrets and too short to live in the darkness. all
i ever wanted was to be free of it, to live my days in peace
but this hole has a grip on me. a grip so fierce at times i feel
to just give up. i want to tell you, to let you see my soul and
my deepest thoughts, what will you say? will you stay or will
you leave me alone? just me and the darkness, slowly sinking ©Jessica E Meyers2010

Early February I want to say.. Not sure tho

The Warehouse

am i the only one that feels this?
i am standing in the middle of
a huge empty warehouse screaming
out for someone to hear me but no one does
i start to wonder if i am even screaming or if
it is just all in my head. i try to bring down the
hurt, the pain, but it flows easily now. please.
i just want you to hear me. ©Jessica E Meyers2010

Not sure when I wrote this. Its been a hard last three months

The River

I’m drowning in a river of orange and blue, and all I can see is your face but I can't reach it. All I can hear is your voice but I can't find it. I drift farther and farther into the darkness and right before I feel my mind go blank something tugs on my heart. Am I dead? Is this heaven? I can almost feel you next to me, but it isn't real. How did I get in this river? How did I get away from you? Don’t leave me, just come back! I can hear your voice, calling my name it’s so close yet so far....... ©Jessica E Meyers2010

When life just didn't feel so good

The Hole

I thought when you said okay you meant it. I thought when you said I feel you meant it. I’m stuck in this mud bath sinking slowly to the ground. Trying to find something to hold onto but nothing is around me. I am utterly alone. Gasping for air only makes it worse. That word. It stings like the aftermath of salt water being tossed into your eyes. I thought I would be safe with it. It was supposed to be my safe haven, but alas it has ripped a hole inside of me. I want to be free of it so the pain will go away. But I crave it. I yearn for it to stay and be a part of me. Sinking, sinking slowly sinking. ©Jessica E Meyers2010

This one was before the break up. but still sad.

Air

You don’t feel anything over your body sucking the air away from you, yet you feel suffocated. Why does it have to end like this? You are in love, that isn’t something that will change, but love needs as much air as a hot air balloon needs. It needs to be swaddled and cared for; it can’t just be left out to rot. You thought this would last longer than it has. But when you are being suffocated like a child that doesn’t know better and sticks their head inside a grocery bag just cause it looks fun you have to get away. Run as far away as you possibly can. Don’t look back it will only make it harder, just keep going until you find that one that can replant your heart in clean unbroken soil. Don’t let yourself be suffocated. You deserve better than that. ©Jessica E Meyers2009

I wrote this one after my break up.

Happiness

Happiness is not an invitation to be giddy. Happiness is not a rejection for the bitter. Happiness is simply that, being utterly and motionlessly in love. Don’t fall too fast. Don’t go to slow. Be content. Live in peace. Partake of the moment. Happiness is a song. Sing from the depths of your soul. Find that connection and bring it with you. Don’t be afraid. Happiness wants to fill you, and to love you, and to share with you its inner most secrets. Don’t fall too fast. Don’t go to slow. ©Jessica E Meyers2009

This was one of the better times in my life:)

Unnamed

Today is my day. The day when everything else stands still. I walk the empty corridor wondering and pondering. Could this be possible? I try to tell myself that everything will work out. This is the balancing act. I always wondered if it would feel like this, if I would feel so lost and confused, yet so happy and excited. Do I want to know what people think? I am my own person, and I make my own choices. That word. It's always there lingering on the horizon. Never quite within reach. I try, I reach. I yell for it, but it's not sure if it wants to come to me. And although I yearn for it to come, I'm not sure if I want it. My life is hanging in the balance, and today is my day! ©Jessica E Meyers 2009

This is the first one I wrote. Back in Novemeber:)

My New Blog!

Hi friends:) I have decided to make a blog of my writings!

Im pretty excited about it! This is where I am going

to post new songs, poems, or just thoughts.

Im not going to moan and groan on this blog.

This is for my inner most thoughts. So

I guess if you wanted to get to know

me you could read these things!

I will post a couple to get the blog started!