His love

The rising sun shines softly on the trees
as the wind blows slightly through them

The grass gleams with the dew of a new morning
while the flowers wake from their slumbers

In the distance the birds begin their melodious songs-
the kind of songs that warm a soul and cheer the heart

God made this world. He made it all, the sun the dew, the songs
The beauty that touches our hearts is Gods presence in our life
It's in the wind, the grass, the flowers

Listen and He will show you His love, His full abundant love.

New Day

Unable to stop the pain, tears stream down my face
I want to grab it and hold it close but that's impossible now.
Numbness reaches every inch of my body and for a while
there is a peaceful feeling, a feeling that cannot last.
The tears don't stop and the emptiness continues.
Realization sets in, this isn't new. This emptiness has
Always been there taunting me wanting me to give in.
The tears flow less as sleep comes. Tomorrow is a new day.

Beautiful Day

The light beams down making my skin feel warm

I am enveloped in the love of my Savior.

My life feels whole and good and true

He saved me even though I sin.

He loves me even though I waiver from the path

There is nothing greater then that light beaming down

For now I am content to sit and look at the beauty around

because nothing is more beautiful then the world God made

you don't know.

you don't know who I am.

you don't know how I feel.

you don't know what it's like.

you don't even care to stop and think.

you don't understand my heart.

you don't understand my cares

you don't understand me.

all you do is try to tear me down.

The story

The story unfolds but not in the way it ought to.

nothing is right and for a second I wonder if I am dreaming

but I feel too alive to be dreaming

I know how the story should go and how it should end

but it isn't doing what I want it to

it's going completely off on its own.

do I follow this unfamiliar story and hope the end is good

or do I stick with the story I know and am comfortable with?

This I cannot answer now because the unknown scares me

I wish I could cheat and skip to the end and find out what happens

for that would make my story choice much easier

but I am not allowed to do that.

maybe the story is unfolding exactly the way it is supposed to

that one word....

The word seems to squeeze the oxygen out of the room

mentioning it brings an array of hate and loathing but

also a sense of safety and warmth. how can this be?

two conflicting emotions should never be brought on by one thing.

it confuses me and although I need to figure it out I dont want to

because figuring it out means reality and that is not something I

am ready for. So for now I will let the oxygen slowly escape until

I can find the person to make that word the one thing I want it

to be: happiness.

Random Thoughts

My heart is pounding my head just hurts

Im tired and grumpy and bored

I want to leave and run away but

shirking from responsibilities would be insane

Classes drag on they never end

I want to go out and play in the park even get a tan

What am I doing here? feeling like wasting my time.

Do I want to come back do I want to drop out

I need an education to get a career but is school really me?

The thought of marriage makes me want to hid under a rock

Once I was told you get hurt more in marriage than any other time.

If this is the case who wants to put themselves through that pain?

My friends are the best but I feel like they don't get me

I try to have them understand but it just wont happen.

I hate doing homework but it is ALWAYS there.

I would rather sleep all day then get up and do stuff

Im ready to be done with this place move back home

I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs

but it probably wouldn't calm my sorrows.

Stop feeling sorry for myself... thats what I say every day

But its harder to do then people would think...

So for now I will keep my pain to myself

it will get better, it just has to or else where would I be?