The Ocean

The ocean is a beautiful place at first glance
it looks so inviting and enticing and fun
getting on that boat seems like the best decision possible
you never imagined it could take away your trust so quickly
a feeling of despair settles in as you realize you're all alone
drowning seems very logical at this point
it's only when you open your eyes that you see He's been holding you all along
the ocean can be a beautiful place but only when you rely on him

My Reality

This dream feels so unreal it seems to torture me
I cringe at the thought placed before me:
change everything that makes me who I am
or live with the fact I may never be good enough.
Haunted by the pain I try and flee
I just want to wake up! I have to wake up
realization floods my mind as I see this is my reality
my bleak, devastating, torturous reality.

Is It?

It's impossible to be in love. but is it impossible to be in love with an idea?
It's improbable that it will be. but is it improbable to hope?
It's impractical to believe in fate but is it impractical to wish for it?
I don't know... why don't you tell me

A Moment of Peace

my heart beats as if it has moments
my brain thinks as if there is nothing left
my body feels like it's being trampled on
I don't want to feel let alone think
Darkness suffocates and I realize I am alone
Alone in the darkness no words to be heard
Desperate to see light I reach for the air
hoping something or someone will help me
but they just watch as I slip further into the darkness
my heart stops beating, my brain stops thinking, and my body no longer feels
peace;at last there is peace

Thoughts Escape

Thoughts escape without the slightest hint to who will hear them
words scream without knowing whose listening
Actions parade without caring if anyone is watching
The thoughts speak fear, love, and hope
The words tell of happiness, anger, and desire
The actions show misunderstanding, bravery, and distrust
But if no one is willing to pay attention do the thoughts really escape?
do the words really scream? do the actions really parade?
Only you can decide

The moment when

You know the moment when life seems pointless
the moment when it seems like nothing really matters anymore
the time when your best friend doesn't even seem to know you
the second that you look at the pillow and wonder if you could?
You sleep all day and cry all night but relief doesn't understand you
nor do you understand it because you're all alone in this world
Stepping outside is like instant suffocation and who wants that?
Your mind taunts you telling you you're worthless and for a moment
you believe your mind After all why wouldn't you? It's yours.
It wouldn't lie to you. It loves you. Until the day you realize
it's tricking you you can never truly be happy.
Don't cry because it wont be okay it never has been and never will be
You know the moment when life seems pointless?

My Friend

Christ heals all pains. He comforts all sorrows
His love is abundant if we just open the door.
Open your heart to His love and it will fill you.
He died for you, he suffered for you, He is your friend.
Let the light of Christ into your life.
Christ heals all pains, He comforts all sorrows.

His love

The rising sun shines softly on the trees
as the wind blows slightly through them

The grass gleams with the dew of a new morning
while the flowers wake from their slumbers

In the distance the birds begin their melodious songs-
the kind of songs that warm a soul and cheer the heart

God made this world. He made it all, the sun the dew, the songs
The beauty that touches our hearts is Gods presence in our life
It's in the wind, the grass, the flowers

Listen and He will show you His love, His full abundant love.

New Day

Unable to stop the pain, tears stream down my face
I want to grab it and hold it close but that's impossible now.
Numbness reaches every inch of my body and for a while
there is a peaceful feeling, a feeling that cannot last.
The tears don't stop and the emptiness continues.
Realization sets in, this isn't new. This emptiness has
Always been there taunting me wanting me to give in.
The tears flow less as sleep comes. Tomorrow is a new day.

Beautiful Day

The light beams down making my skin feel warm

I am enveloped in the love of my Savior.

My life feels whole and good and true

He saved me even though I sin.

He loves me even though I waiver from the path

There is nothing greater then that light beaming down

For now I am content to sit and look at the beauty around

because nothing is more beautiful then the world God made

you don't know.

you don't know who I am.

you don't know how I feel.

you don't know what it's like.

you don't even care to stop and think.

you don't understand my heart.

you don't understand my cares

you don't understand me.

all you do is try to tear me down.

The story

The story unfolds but not in the way it ought to.

nothing is right and for a second I wonder if I am dreaming

but I feel too alive to be dreaming

I know how the story should go and how it should end

but it isn't doing what I want it to

it's going completely off on its own.

do I follow this unfamiliar story and hope the end is good

or do I stick with the story I know and am comfortable with?

This I cannot answer now because the unknown scares me

I wish I could cheat and skip to the end and find out what happens

for that would make my story choice much easier

but I am not allowed to do that.

maybe the story is unfolding exactly the way it is supposed to

that one word....

The word seems to squeeze the oxygen out of the room

mentioning it brings an array of hate and loathing but

also a sense of safety and warmth. how can this be?

two conflicting emotions should never be brought on by one thing.

it confuses me and although I need to figure it out I dont want to

because figuring it out means reality and that is not something I

am ready for. So for now I will let the oxygen slowly escape until

I can find the person to make that word the one thing I want it

to be: happiness.

Random Thoughts

My heart is pounding my head just hurts

Im tired and grumpy and bored

I want to leave and run away but

shirking from responsibilities would be insane

Classes drag on they never end

I want to go out and play in the park even get a tan

What am I doing here? feeling like wasting my time.

Do I want to come back do I want to drop out

I need an education to get a career but is school really me?

The thought of marriage makes me want to hid under a rock

Once I was told you get hurt more in marriage than any other time.

If this is the case who wants to put themselves through that pain?

My friends are the best but I feel like they don't get me

I try to have them understand but it just wont happen.

I hate doing homework but it is ALWAYS there.

I would rather sleep all day then get up and do stuff

Im ready to be done with this place move back home

I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs

but it probably wouldn't calm my sorrows.

Stop feeling sorry for myself... thats what I say every day

But its harder to do then people would think...

So for now I will keep my pain to myself

it will get better, it just has to or else where would I be?

No Remembrance.

everything seems harder when you're broken.

walking seems harder because you're afraid

every new step is going to crack you some more.

every new breath is going to hurt you more

and every new thought is going to push you

farther into the deep unknown you dont want to see.

the days seems longer and the nights seem shorter.

looking around you you see the bright yellow sun

beckoning you to join in its brilliance but you cant

because every bit of brightness you had left inside of

you was taken away and you cant remember how to get it back.

everything seems harder when you're broken and can't remember

how to fix yourself.

Leaving this Town

So I haven't written the music to it but here are the lyrics. I'm not very good at the music writing part.. so maybe I can figure something out later.... but here are the lyrics for now.

I'm feeling like running away from life

to many things going wrong or not my way

It's a perfect day to get out and leave

never coming back don't want to see your face

you left me broken on the ground

no end in sight, I layed there night after night

the tears just came, they wouldn't stop

you left and now I'm leaving too.

Because woah I'm leaving this place for a better life

No one can stop me so don't even try

I want to be happy I want to feel loved

I'll find that better life the one that I want.

Leaving this town doesn't seem quite so bad

I'll get in my car and drive into the sun

the unknown is out there, adventure too

I want to find the life that I deserve

No men, no fear, just love and friends

I've been broken, I've been shattered

but nothing is ever going to get in my way again

leaving, leaving, leaving this town.

Because woah I'm leaving this place for a better life

No one can stop me so don't even try

I want to be happy I want to feel loved

I'll find that better life the one that I want

Don't think I'm coming back

nothing can make me stay

I want to feel the sunshine on my face

I want to feel the breeze in my hair

I'm leaving for the life I need to have

Because woah I'm leaving this place for a better life

No one can stop me so don't even try

I want to be happy I want to feel loved

I'll find that better life the one that I want.

Because woah I'm leaving this place for a better life

No one can stop me so don't even try

I want to be happy I want to feel loved

I'll find that better life the one that I want.

So don't miss me cause I wont be missing you

Standing Still

Life goes on but time stands still

breathing stops, thought stops, nothing is right

where am I and what am I doing here?

life goes on but time stands still

I would rather die 100 hundred deaths

then feel the way I feel today

life goes on but time stands still

the sun is out warming my face

I don't want time to stand still

forcing myself to move time goes on

life goes on and time moves

the pain will leave, just needs some time

the flower

The flower that is watered grows and

gives back to those that come to see its beauty

the flower that is left alone wants to grow

it needs to grow but no one wants to give

it the chance of life no one wants to love it

and no one wants to be there for it. Its

potential is like unto the first maybe even

greater but no one cares. If only people

knew all it needed was a little love, but no

one cares. Its left alone to be alone forever more

The Path

Running towards the path ahead Im sure thats where I need to go

For once nothing stands in my way. Is this a trick? a trap?

I slow and walk cautiously, wondering, hoping, wishing that I wont wake up

For if I did life would go back to the way it was and who would ever want that?

So for now I will enjoy the beauty and passion the path offers me

pieces

The pieces lay on the floor and I don't touch them for

fear that they will turn to dust in my hand.

Left there to stare at the pieces I wonder how it ever got there

I didn't mean to let it break, no one would ever want that

yet there it is as if someone unwillingly ripped it from me

is there anyone who can pick it up for me? anyone who can

calm my anguish? NO and there never will be.

my heart lay broken on the floor and there is nothing

I can do about it no words can comfort no hand can heal.

ALONE with my broken heart forever more.